Saluki Sports
Part of the Daily Egyptian
The Cubs-Cardinals Covenant Part II
Michael Brenner and Burke Wasson
editor@siu.eduWith a brutal war taking place in Iraq, the Daily Egyptian has embraced the spirit of peace and has decided to end an age-old civil war - Cubs versus Cardinals. Even though the two teams will not likely meet again, a peace treaty is needed in case the two meet in October, so we have revised a previous treaty from 2003.
The following is a cease-fire between Cubs fans and Cardinals fans agreed upon by two representatives of the respective factions - Michael Brenner (Cubs, DE sports designer) and Burke Wasson (Cardinals, DE editor-in-chief). It is modeled after the Treaty of Versailles that ended World War I.
Although the following does not express the feelings of the entire Southern Illinois baseball-watching constituency, Brenner and Wasson hope that in the interest of peace on earth, goodwill toward men and the curbing of intra-NL Central violence, all terms will be honored by anyone representing the St. Louis Cardinals or Chicago Cubs when fans from the two groups are in mixed company.
This is the Cubs-Cardinals Covenant.
Section 1 - The Illinois Cubs-Cardinals line (Illustrated ----)
Article 1 - The Cubs-Cardinals line starts in Burlington in the West, Lincoln in the center and U.S. Highway 36 between Champaign and Effingham.
Article 2 - Those to the north are in Cubs territory, those to the south are in Cardinals territory. Any fans residing on the wrong side of the Banks-Musial line are subject to ridicule and unwelcome.
Article 3 - Ethnic cleansing is forbidden. We are not New Yorkers or Bostonians. Our life has worth and we are civilized.
Section 2 - Busch Stadium vs. Wrigley Field and Ballpark Etiquette
Cubs concessions
Article 4 - It is safer to take a family to Busch Stadium.
Article 5 - Cubs fans visiting Busch Stadium shall drink at least one Budweiser out of respect.
Article 6 - Cubs fans shall not make fun of Darryl Kile's death.
Article 7 - Chip Caray sucks and would not have gotten anywhere without his grandfather.
Cardinals concessions
Article 8 - The following Wrigley Field items are sacred religious relics and are not to be touched by any infidels: 1. The ivy. 2. The Harry Caray statue.
Article 9 - Even Cardinals fans admit that building a new stadium is idiotic. There's nothing wrong with the old one.
Article 10 - Cardinals fans visiting Wrigley Field agree to drink at least one Old Style out of respect.
Article 11 - Cardinals fans shall not make fun of Ron Santo's lack of legs.
Article 12 - Joe Buck sucks and would not have gotten anywhere without his father.
Section 3 - Chicago's superior population and fan base vs. St. Louis as the world's friendliest big city - Debates regarding which city and which fans are better.
Cubs concessions
Article 13 - Cubs fans agree to stop proclaiming Chicago as a superior city because of its larger population and recognize St. Louis as a legitimate metropolis.
Article 14 - Chicago fans are not allowed to refer to St. Louis as "our little brother," especially because that title belongs to Milwaukee, and Cubs fans must refrain from constantly making light of St. Louis' metro-area population being nearly one-quarter of Chicago's.
Article 15 - Chicagoans recognize the existence of life below I-80.
Cardinals concessions
Article 16 - Cardinals fans are not allowed to refer to Chicago as an urban nightmare, or a cesspool of racism and corruption. References to the 1968 Democratic convention and Al Capone cannot be used without also referring to Enrico Fermi, the Art Institute and the nation's best graduate school - the University of Chicago.
Article 17 - St. Louis fans agree to stop calling Cubs fans losers and must at least pretend to respect Cubs fans for their loyalty to the Chicago National League ball club.
Article 18 - St. Louis residents concede that St. Louis is not a flawless community and has a larger per-capita violent crime rate.
Section 4 - Ownership and loyalty to Harry Christopher Carabina (Harry Caray)
Mutual Caray Concessions
Article 19 - Harry Caray will be known as the Cardinals' broadcaster to any fan born before Feb. 18, 1967. Any Cardinals fan born on or after that is a member of the Jack Buck generation.
Article 20 - Harry Caray will be known as the Cubs' broadcaster to any person born on or after Feb. 18, 1967. Any person born before that date is a member of the Jack Brickhouse generation.
Article 21 - Harry Caray was the greatest sports broadcaster of all time. He called games for both the Cards and Cubs, was drunk most of the time and always hilarious.
Section 5 - Curses and Hexes
Cubs concessions:
Article 22 - The Cubs are cursed.
Article 23 - Steve Bartman pales in comparison to trading Lou Brock and allowing Greg Maddux to leave.
Article 24 - Bad management and decades of cheapness from the Tribune Company and Mr. Wrigley, not the Billy Goat, are responsible for the championship drought.
Article 25 - We recognize that Bill Buckner was a Cub before he blew the World Series for the other cursed franchise.
Cardinals concessions:
Article 26 - The Cardinals are charmed.
Article 27 - Even Cardinals fans believe the entire Cardinals bullpen sold its soul to the devil to perform at its current level. Tony Womack, Reggie Sanders and Chris Carpenter are pleasant mysteries as well.
Section 6 - Miscellaneous agreements
Article 28 - Cubs and Cardinals fans are not required to root for each other in the playoffs. For the fan whose team is not in, wishing ill will upon his/her rival may be the only reason to watch baseball in October.
Article 29 - Cubs and Cardinals fans agree the rivalry between their two teams is the best in the country, and anyone arguing Yankees/Red Sox or Giants/Dodgers can go to hell.
Article 30 - The American League sucks, so does the designated hitter and White Sox fans are fair-weather losers.
Article 32 - In faith whereof, the above-named Plenipotentiaries have signed the present treaty.
Done in Carbondale, the 22nd day of July, two thousand and four, in a single copy which will remain deposited in the archives of the Daily Egyptian newsroom and of which authenticated copies will be sent to no one.
Article 33- We shall meet again in October during the 2004 NLCS, at which point the treaty is void and the fans can go for each other's throats.
Today's News | Sports | Voices - Editorial | Letters
Newsbriefs | pulse - Arts & Entertainment | Calendar | Photo Staff
Apts & Rentals | Photo Personals | Live DE NewsCam | Classified Ads
Last update: Thursday, July 22, 2004 at 2:53:12 PM
Copyright 2009 Saluki Sports