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Daily Egyptian - Arts & Entertainment - Carbondale, Illinois
Past-their-prime icons, still making headlines, wasting valuable newsprint
Hell on Stilts
Jenn RourkeWhat is our fascination with washed-up stars? We cover them in our media almost as often as our current obsessions. Is it that we are curious about life after fame? Do we want to see someone fall from an admired socialite to struggling pauper?
Because I know I do. Watching other people decline makes us feel so much better about ourselves, doesn‚t it? So, besides plastic surgery and the occasional grandchild, let‚s see what America‚s once-adored legends are up to this week.
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Bette Midler ˜ It‚s rare to see humility in Hollywood, but the recent Grammy nominations brought an exception from singer Bette Midler. Can you believe she‚s still making music, let alone receiving Grammy nominations for it? I never really forgave her for "Wind Beneath My Wings," though. I mean it was a great song, but I think it was used as background music for every sappy human-interest piece on TV from 1984 to 1991.
But I digress.
Anyway, Midler is thinking about withdrawing her Grammy nomination because her Rosemary Clooney tribute album is up against Rosemary Clooney‚s actual album in one category. Good PR on Midler‚s part, humility aside. Now there will be lots of talk about her album, and sales will probably go up. And who needs a statue when you can rake in more publicity-driven cash?
Michael Jackson ˆ Somebody needs to settle out of court. Jacko hasn‚t released anything decent in 10 years. The only reason he‚s still in the news is because he gets married, has children and dangles them over balconies. Tens of thousands of people screw up their kids everyday, and they‚re not famous for it.
And I‚m tired of Jackson‚s whining and complaining about how the big bad Santa Barbara police roughed him up a bit. It may not be overtly apparent, but Mike is still a man and should continue to make an effort to act like one. I‚ve noticed his alleged dislocated arm never hindered his ability to sign autographs, wave to adoring fans, and put on his prosthetic nose everyday.
And finally, for wasting our time, media, and invaluable MTV news updates, I propose that Jackson be forced to give Paul McCartney back his Beatles catalogue. It‚s only fair.
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Ted Nugent ˆ Recently, he reportedly took a chainsaw to the leg while taping some live show he‚s going to release, oh so cleverly titled "Surviving Nugent: The Ted Commandments." You think the chainsaw was heaven‚s way of smirking at Ted? Kidding. Actually, little hunted animals everywhere cheered vigorously upon hearing the news.
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The PopeΣ I mean Mel Gibson ˆ As if "Signs" wasn‚t bad enough, Gibson has
once again proven himself the opposite of box office surefire with his latest
project "The Passion of Christ," a film that some Jewish groups think may hurt
Catholic-Jewish relations and stir up anti-Semitic feelings among moviegoers. The Pope reportedly has not made any comment on the project, which will be released in late February, although major studios wouldn‚t touch it. The film is supposed to be an accurate portrayal of the last 12 hours of Christ‚s life. Right, except for the part where Jesus is Australian.
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Next week, Dennis Miller, Dolly Parton, Webster, and Cheryl Tiegs. Definitely kidding.
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Last update: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 at 10:11:56 PM
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