"This is my boom stick!"

"Gimme some sugar, baby."

"Shop smart; shop S-Mart."

If you've ever uttered any of these phrases, then you're probably fully cognizant of the quirky genius of the B-movie industry. If you're not familiar with B-movies and their skewed approach to filmmaking, these quotes will leave you scratching your lead, wondering, "What's so special?"

We'd like to introduce you to a cinematic subculture, a special brand of film that, while often overlooked, has evoked some of the most incredible fanaticism the screen's ever seen. Some filmmakers would call the B-movie the deformed stepchild of mainstream entertainment. These flicks are completely unpretentious horror and sci-fi movies characterized by low budgets, shallow scripts, and a dedication to elements that sell - blood, breasts, monsters, guns and explosions.

So, who makes these theatrical masterpieces, and who the hell wants to watch them? The most notable B-movie producer in Hollywood is Bruce Campbell, film legend and B-movie actor/producer. Bruce is responsible for the Evil Dead Trilogy, which included one of the most highly recognizable B-movies ever made, "Army of Darkness."

"Evil Dead" follows the adventures of Ash, the trilogy's hero, who finds himself ripped from his mundane existence as an S-Mart clerk only to chase down an evil book, "The Necronomicon." "In Army of Darkness, "Ash has to again retrieve "The Necronomicon" in 13th century Europe, where he gets to fight an army of little, evil Bruce Campbells and mack on medieval chicks.

Bruce Campbell is often called the king of B-movies. His new book, "If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor," chronicles his sardonic life with tales of "Evil Dead, " "Serving Sara" and "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr"(his short-lived, under-appreciated TV show). It's a sarcastic look at life from a lowly B-movie director with a big mouth and a chin to boot.

The smart-aleck monarch of B-movies is actually coming to Carbondale in a few weeks to talk about the finer points of B-movie production. He'll be here at 7:30 p.m. March 19, the Wednesday after Spring Break, in the Student Center Ballrooms.

Some B-movies, such as "Army of Darkness, "develop rabid cult followings. "The Rocky Horror Picture Show,"for example, opened in 1975 to a less-than-stellar box office showing. But, over time, the film has become a freakshow of sorts, with the audience dressing in drag and throwing various projectiles at the screen. Other B-movies such as "Toxic Avenger" and "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" have spawned TV cartoon series. Even "Godzilla,"a B-movie released in 1958, has steadily grown in popularity to produce many sequels and updated versions.

B-movies can be a stepping stone for film novices. A lot of great directors used to work on B-movies: Martin Scorcese worked on Roger Corman's movie "Big Bad Momma" in the '70s, and James Cameron made his directorial debut with "Piranha 2: The Spawning." So, we can't just dismiss B-movies, because who knows, tomorrow's next blockbuster director could be shuttling coffee to an underpaid actor in a lizard suit on that very set.

With B-movies, there are no expectations by the director or the audience. You don't walk into a B-movie with any misconceptions - it's gonna suck and you're gonna enjoy it. Still leery about this whole B-movie nonsense? At Campbell's lecture on March 19, he'll tell you exactly why his movies aren't to be taken seriously, then he'll probably make fun of you for asking the question.