In the waning moments of Fox's bait-and-switch episode of "Joe Millionaire" last week, butler Paul Hogan confirmed longstanding rumors of a "twist" ending for the already twisted show.

Gee, what could it be?

The obvious twists, of course, are the fairy-tale ones: Either faux millionaire Evan Marriott has had millions all along, or Fox will slip him a little cash once he's gotten someone to agree to marry him without it.

But since we've had little to do since last week's debacle but to contemplate the vast empty spaces between Evan's ears, we've compiled a few more fractured-fairy tale endings for tonight's show:

- Evan the Uncertain, still unable to sleep, decides not to decide between substitute teacher Zora Andrich and mortgage broker's assistant and bondage-flick actress Sarah Kozer. Next week, in "Joe Millionaire: The Aftermath," all 20 of the original women reunite at the lovely chateau, where they kill and eat him.

- Evan proposes to Zora and she tells him she wouldn't marry him if he'd inherited $100 million.

- A crestfallen Evan then proposes to Sarah, who tells him that she, too, has fallen in love with Zora.

-Paul the Butler is revealed to be a $50 million lottery winner, and HE proposes to Zora.

- Paul announces plans to take in second runner-up Melissa and to teach her to speak like a lady _ or at least to speak English _ within six months, then marry her off to an impoverished prince. The results will be aired in a series Fox plans to call "Pig-malion."

- Zora, who's revealed Monday to have $50 million of her own - or at least more than $19,000 a year - offers to help pay off Sarah's student loans so she won't have to dress like a cheerleader anymore and be tied to chairs.

- Alex McLeod, the hostess with the leastest (face time, that is), goes crazy and takes Paul the Butler hostage for stealing all the best lines. Sarah shows her a few knots.

- Evan is revealed to be a Phi Beta Kappa Harvard graduate who's just been acting dumb for his whole adult life to see if people loved him for himself and not his brains. Zora, horrified that he's lied to her about being an idiot, rejects his proposal.

- And in the most twisted ending of all, Evan proposes to Zora, who doesn't mind that he's both stupid and poor. And they live happily ever after.