by Dave Musser ob1dave@cs.com
Have you ever wandered what the difference is between sloppy and neat people? Sorry to say, but it's exactly opposite of what you're thinking. It's hard not to snicker when one side of a dorm is completely spotless while the other side is a construction site. Behind the orange tape, sitting on the desk, you'll usually find a pyramid of cans tanning under the strict supervision of a study lamp while blocking out any usable portion of an over-sized computer monitor. This is primarily because the ratty old box being used as a temporary recycle bin gets dumped bi-annually. Tip of the day: not only does recycling reduce waste, it also saves money on garbage bags that can otherwise be spent on beer.
Anyways, I'm going to let you in on a little secret; neat people are lazier than sloppy people. LAZIER? But how could that be? Before all you neat people deploy the letter bombs, lets look down the molten core of these two morally diverse personalities. Everything and anything means something to a sloppy person. Cards sent by loved ones, ticket stubs from concerts, three-day-old pizza; it doesn't matter what it is, a sloppy person will save it, stack it and store it. Before long, the birthday and Christmas cards are threatening the ceiling, the three-day-old pizza is approaching its "terrible twos," and the old Metallica stubs can be seen tumble weeding through the living room whenever the windows are open.
Sloppy people have every intention to someday put everything in its perfect place. Unfortunately, time taunts them. If this assassin in stealth should ever cease, everything would be squared away in a "neat" little package. However, they are too busy working insane hours, donating their time to charity on the weekends and trying to catch Osama bin Laden somewhere in between. If only there were 25 hours in a day, I assure you, sloppy people would conquer the world. For them, it doesn't matter which side of the boat they toss-anchor because it will always linger an inch from the bottom.
Wherever an angel goes the devil will follow - the neat person. Neat people care emotionally for nothing. They are the hunters with Bambi in their cross-airs because they feel he is useless clutter. The birthday cards, pizza, ticket stubs - all pitched after immediate use. I've noticed that you'll never find pictures of loved ones in a neat person's wallet, probably because it stimulates a sense of un-organized chaos. Whatever it takes to get rid of the mess I suppose. It doesn't matter what the article is: a present from a significant other, a handmade ornament from little sister, or grand-dads old pipe. Just pull the trigger, throw it away, or banish it off to "never-never land." After all, it takes some sort of effort to care.
Nonetheless, it's never too late to change. What a perfect New Year's Resolution! Instead of making your bed, just let it go. When kicking off your shoes, be sure to launch your socks as far as possible. Tube socks have awesome distance. As for garbage, the floor has a much higher carrying capacity than the wastebasket. In fact, you'd be better off getting rid of the wastebasket completely; it's taking up valuable real-estate. And by the time the beer-a-mid stains the ceiling, your transition will be complete. Welcome home!
A Tout Le Monde appears every other Friday. Dave is a junior in automotive. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Egyptian.
Published on 11/17/05; 12:24:44 PM
