Lena Morsch
Daily Egyptian
When Mike Gary came to SIUC to major in radio-television, he never imagined how his life would change.
Growing up in a small town, Gary said he never had met a gay person until he came to college. It was after he arrived at school that he came to terms with his sexual orientation.
"It was really difficult at first to accept. I was very depressed my first semester here and had to do a lot of crying and soul searching," Gary said.
Within three years, he found the courage to come out to his parents, family and friends, and he is now co-director of the Saluki Rainbow Network. Now, he hopes to promote awareness, tolerance and support for the community.
It was during spring break of his freshman year that Gary decided to tell his parents. He said he was apprehensive because of his family's spirituality.
"My dad has a very strong religious base, so I was worried about how he would react," Gary said, "but I got up the nerve to walk into their room and tell my parents. Of course, they didn't take it too well."
SIU Alumni and Saluki Rainbow Network advisor Tim Rice said he understands the dilemma that younger people have about coming to terms with their sexuality.
"It is hard to balance what you are feeling as opposed to what you are taught. It becomes very frustrating when you have to live a lie for so long," Rice said.
Gary said his parents worked toward accepting his sexuality by educating themselves with books and support groups. They also told his two brothers the news.
"I didn't expect my older brother to react well, but he called me after he found out. He told me he respected my decision and understood. That has helped us become closer. It was more difficult for my younger brother, who got teased at school for having a gay brother, but they have both dealt with it really well," Gary said.
Tim Rice "came out" 10 years ago to his family and friends. He was in his 30s and said he had to be honest about who he was.
"There was a point in my life when I decided I shouldn't hide anymore. I feel my sexuality was not chosen," Rice said. "I was born this way."
Gary agrees that he is fortunate to live in what seems to be a tolerant community that allows people to live their own lives.
"There has been the occasional name-calling, but this town has been very accepting so far. I hope that attitude remains in place," Gary said.
Gary decided to get involved like Rice. They both became involved with the Saluki Rainbow Network, a support group for gay and lesbian college students. Gary admits that he was unsure about joining at first.
"I thought it would be something like AA in which you had to get up and state your name and tell your life story. But it was very laid back and supportive," Gary said.
Gary is now co-director of SRN. He said the group is there as a foundation to support any student who wants to talk about the issues or seek advice.
"We can listen to concerns and what they are going through. We can refer students to really good counselors. We also established "The Pride Line," where students can call and vent their problems," Gary said.
Gary said he knows that coming out is not as easy for everyone as it was for him. He said that deciding to come out can lead to severe depression.
"Some people get rejected by their families and lose their homes. Everyone has different factors in their lives," Gary said.
Gary and Rice both said they advise those who are coming to terms with their sexuality to be aware of the consequences and not to cave in to pressure from peers.
Rice said self-acceptance and safety are the two main issues that should be dealt with.
"All anyone can ask for is respect. You may not agree with the choices [people make], but try to respect the fact that it's their life," Rice said.
Gary, now a senior in radio-television, hopes to become an international travel director after graduating. He said he hopes to continue to be involved with working with gay youth and the SRN.
"I don't know if I have made a difference, but I am really lucky to have the support of my family and friends," Gary said.
For more information about the Saluki Rainbow Network write Salukirainbow@hotmail.com To reach the SRN Pride line, call 453-5151
Reporter Lena Morsch can be reached at lmorsch@dailyegyptian.com
Published on 11/17/05; 12:24:44 PM
