Jens Deju
Daily Egyptian
With this being my inaugural column of the summer semester, I have decided to hit on a topic that not only has monumental importance across the sports nation, but also around the world.
Of course, I can only be talking about corporate sponsorship of sports.
I know what you're saying. Who cares?
Well, my friends, I'm here to voice my opinion on why this is such a tragedy.
I started thinking about this all the way back in January, when my beloved Miami Hurricanes were giving Nebraska the beating of their lives in the Orange Bowl. All of a sudden, the commentators told us that the current first down was being brought to us by Monster.com.
Now I had seen a lot of stuff sponsored before, but that was the first time I ever saw a first down with corporate backing.
It got me to thinking, "Well, I guess if it wasn't for the fine people at Monster.com, the Canes would have to score their touchdown in a mere four downs because the poor people who run the Rose Bowl wouldn't be able to afford any more than that."
While bowl games such as the FedEx Orange Bowl and the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl have corporate names and are well accepted, others such as the Inisight.com Bowl and the Visit Florida Tangerine Bowl may be a bit much.
Speaking of things named after oranges, has anyone else noticed there are now two major league baseball stadiums named after orange juice?
Before we only had to put up with Tropicana Field in Tampa Bay, but now thanks to the Houston Astros, we now also have Minute Maid Park.
Not to be outdone, baseball also has three stadiums named after beer in Busch Stadium, Coors Field and Miller Park.
The other day, out of a mixture of morbid curiosity and boredom, I decided to see how many baseball teams have stadiums named after corporations.
In the National League, 12 out of 16 teams have home fields named after one business or another.
One of those four, the Montreal Expos, can't even get local TV stations to broadcast their games, so I'm sure that's the only reason Olympic Stadium isn't called the Trojan Dome or something asinine like that.
However, for the sake of argument, if the stadium were named the Trojan Dome, it would probably be covered in a thin layer of latex, and the owners would give away free condoms at all home games.
Another ridiculous name actually almost came to be.
Back when the NBA's Grizzlies were looking to leave Vancouver, one of their possible destinations was Kentucky, where they would change their name to the Kentucky Colonels.
That name alone isn't bad, but what really turned my stomach was the potential name of their Arena.
If you're not sitting down, please do so.
The Arena, which would have been owned by Kentucky Fried Chicken, was going to be named the KFC Bucket.
That's right, the KFC Bucket.
I'm all for fried chicken, but let's be serious now.
All these weird names got me to thinking, and I have come up with a few combinations of my own.
My first idea was to name a basketball floor, also known as the hardwood, after Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Another one is to name foul poles after Frito Lays potato chips, because you can't have just one.
Now, for the grand finale.
Seeing as how everything else that is in any way related to sports has one sponsor or another, I am now officially putting myself up for sale to the highest bidder.
Any multi-million dollar corporation looking for a new poster child for whatever it is they're selling would be smart to contact me with their highest bid.
However, I don't come cheap, so open up your wallets.
Let the bidding begin.
Reporter Jens Deju can be reached at jdeju@dailyegyptian.com
Published on 11/17/05; 12:24:44 PM
