Matt Brennan m_brennan20@hotmail.com
FROM OUTSIDE KELLOGG HALL ON A WARM AND SUNNY TUESDAY AFTERNOON - That's right. I procrastinated on a column. It's sunny, it's warm and the birds are singing. I refuse to work inside. So, I brought my notebook out to the picnic table behind Kellogg Hall. In order to write a column you need a subject, and some columnists go to some strange measures to do this. So, I have compiled a list of things I will not do to take up space.
I will not rap in this column. I find it challenging to read a column composed of lyrics. It just does not seem like the right medium for that. I'll save that half of my brain for my poetry class. I will not be sending "a shout out to all of my friends." The word "shout out" sends a firm suggestion that whoever uses it really has nothing to say. I'd like to believe I became a columnist because I have something to say. The expression is stupid.
I will not discuss the chancellor's proposed alcohol ban at SIU because let's face it, like it or not the students will drink. All an alcohol ban would do is force students to become a little more creative. I will not discuss the downloading of any pictures over the Internet. Right now I am outside, and the weather is warm. I do not need to rush to my computer to have those types of thoughts.
I will not discuss the shaky start to the Cubs baseball season. I have no doubt things will turn around at some point. Fred McGriff will go to Alex Gonzalez, and find out what the secret of offense is in the switch from the American League to the National League. And pending the return of Moises Alou, the Cubs "power three" will begin to hit the baseball.
I will not make any predictions. I learned this lesson with my Super Bowl column, predicting a Rams blowout that never happened. Several baseball experts have picked the St. Louis Cardinals as national league representatives in the World Series. God, I hope they are wrong. Forecasting a Cubs trip to the World Series would probably land me in a mental institution.
I will not discuss the conflict between Israel and Palestine for the simple reason that both sides are right. Leaders on both sides of this conflict need to be thrown into a concealed room, not so they can negotiate but so that the rest of the world can lose the key. This matter is also an excellent subject for a book, not a column.
There. Discussing the stuff I will not do is easier than I thought. Next time I guess I'll have to figure out just what it is I will do.
The Way I see It appears every other Friday. Matt is a senior in journalism. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Egyptian.
Published on 11/17/05; 12:24:44 PM
