Fake it ... for the good of the program

Commentary

It is official. The word is in.

Dewey Defeats Truman?

No, Tom Koutsos ended his sabbatical from being a "maybe returner" to a returner.

But that signals a problem, and even though it is what is commonly referred to as a "good" problem, it isn't. It causes ulcers and other bleeding - ask Ram's coach Mike Martz about controversies, you can see the blood stains on his shirts when he wears light colors.

Anyone with a working mind and one good eye knows Muhammad Abdulqaadir is good, no great now, unlike at the beginning of last season when fans were oblivious to his talents. And Koutsos is Koutsos; a broken arm is not a huge deal to a running back - it is like incest to the royal family.

But what does head coach Jerry Kill do with this plethora of talent? Does he split backs and basically waste their full abilities? It isn't like they are mediocre backs that need to be split. Both have shown the ability to be four-down backs in Division I-AA football, they are true-blue feature runners.

Touchdown Tommy is a redshirt senior next season and thus has no more eligibility. Finito.

But a sick thought is brewing in my skull.

Mo ... yes ... Mo. He has not used his medical redshirt. Smart thinking Jerry Kill.

This is perfect. The quandary is fixed. Hallelujah!

Stay with me here. Next season Koutsos will be approaching the Gateway career rushing record, which is currently held by former Eastern Illinois standout Willie High (yes, that is his real name and not some off-the-wall alias). He needs just 485 yards to dethrone High - that's it. Now, Koutsos could get 485 yards in a season with one leg and Verne Troyer choking him around the neck. But just breaking the record isn't good enough.

Say he gets 700 yards, which is a fair estimate figuring he will more than likely split time with Mo. But in a few years, someone else will steal a record that had 'SIU' by it. And now our party school image has been stolen from us.

I'll be damned if they take anything else from us.

So with that in mind, it become necessary for us to make sure that Koutsos destroys that record. Koutsos, who has received the brunt of the carries since his true freshman year, has also acknowledged that sharing the ball will be a new-fangled experience for him.

And the only way to do that is to make sure there is no splitting time at back with Mojo - at least for next season.

This is not postulating that someone sticks Abdulqaadir on the bench or fans and alums offer Tonya Harding a 40-ouncer to whack his legs with a steel pipe. This is just merely suggesting that Mo maybe come up with "turf toe" or "an infected eyelash" for the whole 2003 season and be redshirted.

It happens all the time in pro basketball - it is called injured reserve. Phantom injuries are always popping up left and right with unassuming names. This is ethical and is what's best for the team. The Japanese would love this idea. Ever see the movie "Gung Ho?"

The team might not be as dangerous next season as it could be, but this ensures the longevity of SIU's competitiveness in the toughest I-AA conference in the nation, bar none.

So then next season Koutsos gets the ball, gets the record and by all means, the Salukis should challenge for the Gateway title. About 95 percent of the team is returning.

Then AGAIN the following season, Abdulqaadir will get the carries and rush for, by the pace he was this season, about 2,600 yards and 45 touchdowns. And once again the Dawgs should win for the conference crown and maybe the national championship.

And if Mo has a full season to himself, he'd probably move easily into the top 10 all-time rushing list in the Gateway as well.

This would be the smart thing to do on "NCAA Football 2003" on the Playstation 2. If someone didn't do this, they'd be a fool. A big fool.

But not everyone is ecstatic about this idea. Some may find it almost Republican.

"Man, I don't want anyone to be hurt," sophomore-to-be quarterback Joel Sambursky said with a 'How could you ask that' chuckle. "I want as many healthy bodies back there as can be." Whatever, whatever. Sambursky, who still has three more seasons running the Saluki O, says that he thinks SIU football coach Jerry Kill will reel in some big fish as running back in the future.

Maybe, but until those recruits step foot onto McAndrew's hybrid field of turf and old tires, they are still projects. And some projects fall through and even collapse.

With one of those backs in the Saluki attack, SIU should at the very least finish in the top three of the Gateway next season. No debating that. But if the Salukis use both next season, while the Salukis may be able to beat opposing defense to ad nauseum and whittle our way into the playoffs, SIU still won't be using each back to his fullest potential.

This is still a young squad, and there shouldn't be a rush. Plus, the Salukis should still should be able to compete for the playoffs with either starring as the feature back.

These guys aren't the Golden Corral. They are Red Lobster-type backs.

Be safe. Be wise. Mo, "stub" the toe!

Zack Creglow is a freshman in journalism. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Egyptian.