A Saluki fairy tale

Commentary

Two weekends ago, SIU football head coach Jerry Kill was skipping joyfully through a Kentucky meadow.

As usual, he was carrying his prized jackrabbit, Kous-kous, feeding him and admiring how he ran through and around the flowers with ease. Sometimes a flower would cling to Kous-kous, but he was able to shake it off easily.

Kill always kept a close eye on Kous-kous, because he was an adventurous and passionate rabbit who was always trying to stray farther and farther, wanting to push ahead and stretch his paws a few extra yards every time Kill turned his back.

And this time, Kous-kous finally went too far.

While Kill was distracted by one of his other rabbits, Kous-kous wandered off into the woods. He saw an interesting tree - a tree that was far fatter, uglier and more disgusting than he had ever seen before.

Right under the dilapidated plant, Kous-kous saw a large root, which was also fatter, uglier and more disgusting than he had ever seen before.

Being the inquisitive rabbit he is, Kous-kous stretched out his paw to touch the root. He had to know if it was possible for such a decrepit root to be attached to a living creature.

The second he touched the root, the fat and ugly tree began to fall. Kous-kous tried to scamper away but was not fast enough. The tree flattened him into a rice cake.

Coach Kill immediately heard the noise and ran into the woods to see what had happened. After walking about 50 yards into the woods, he saw the ugly tree.

Kill immediately started yelling, "Kous-kous! Kous-kous! Where are you?"

But there was no answer.

He ran around to the other side of the tree, looked down and began to cry.

The only thing he could see was Kous-kous' mangled paw sticking out from under the fat tree. It was the only part of his prized rabbit that was still intact, though it was broken in several places.

Kill was distraught. He immediately began thinking what he would do without Kous-kous. He had never seen another rabbit that could dodge and shake flowers the way Kous-kous could.

Kill had a hole in his heart as large as the national debt. He couldn't move. He just sat there on the tree above Kous-kous' flattened corpse with his head in his hands.

Just as Kill was thinking of letting a fat ugly tree fall on him as well, he felt something nudging on his ankle.

He looked down and saw a rabbit. Not just an ordinary rabbit, but also one that looked a lot like Kous-kous - except that he was a little darker, shorter and skinnier.

The rabbit motioned his head toward the nearby meadow as if to say, "Watch this."

The mysterious rabbit took off. He sprinted toward the meadow with speed and acceleration like Kill had never seen. He weaved in and out of the flowers, not needing to shake any off because they never touched him.

Kill tried to run after him, but the coach, not being much of an athlete, quickly gave up. He just stood in awe as the rabbit dodged 168 flowers and jumped over two tree stumps.

But the new rabbit wasn't finished. He sprinted back toward Kill, dodging 264 flowers and six tree stumps.

Kill just stood there, his eyes welling up with tears of joy. He bent down, picked up the rabbit and asked it its name, not expecting an answer because rabbits don't talk - even in Kentucky.

But the rabbit did speak.

"Modghfuguifguifubvuejo," he said - or at least that's what Kill heard.

"Mojo," Kill concluded. "Your name will be Mojo."

Mojo shrugged his shoulders. It was close enough.

Kill and Mojo skipped through the rest of the meadow together, eating chocolate and singing show tunes on their way to another meadow in Eastern Michigan.

They left Kous-kous' dead and mangled body rotting under the tree.

A Saluki fairy tale, part II

Michael is a junior in journalism. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Egyptian.